3 Months!

Dean hit the big 3 month mark on yesterday. His favorite things are bath time and kicking his legs. And apparently he really, really hates being hungry. I figured out he had been so fussy because he just wasn't getting enough to eat. Apparently my body simply wasn't able to get my milk supply back up post-surgery. We started supplementing with a bottle after each feeding, and he's back to his happy self. He still isn't sleeping quite as good as he was before, but he's doing SO much better than he was for those couple weeks. I've tried doing bedtime at around 7:45. I go in and feed him at around 10 or 10:30 and then he'll wake up at 2-2:30 and then again somewhere between 5 and 6 and then wake up for good around 7:15. I hope to consolidate to one wake up around 3 or 4. That's what he was doing before. Anywho, here is more info and pictures of our handsome boy:

He is pretty pro at sitting (while being supported, of course!). Check out his head control!

He is a SUPER drooly little guy. His shirt will sometimes be soaked to his belly button.

This is a shot of my pants after he did his tummy time across my lap. Holy Toledo!

He LOVES chewing on his hands. I've started swaddling him with one arm out so he can suck on his hand. It works better than a pacifier (because he just knocks the paci out when he tries to chew on his hand anyway).

He hates tummy time. As you can see, I've tried doing it on my lap. I've tried propping him up on the boppy. I do airplane style with him on my shins. I tried it in front of the mirror. I've tried using toys. I've made faces. You name it. But the kid just screams. I'm usually a softie and give up after a minute.

But then today he finally calmed down. In fact, he almost fell asleep, so I had to pick him up and move him to his bed.

We go on walks almost every day. The weather is just so nice right now! He is generally really happy except when the sun gets in his eyes.

I am also a little scared for the future because this kid LOVES to watch TV. He will just stare at it. I hope he doesn't get addicted at the young age of 3 months.

Oh, he's just so handsome!

Utah Trip

We were lucky enough to spend three weeks on Utah over the holidays. It was very fun and very busy. We drove up on Tuesday, December 17. I was a bit nervous about making the drive with Dean, but he was an angel. We decided to just leave when he woke up for a feeding in the morning. He slept from 10-4:30! We had to pack up the car and such, so we left our apartment around 6. Dean was actually awake most of that time, but fell asleep again at about 6:20 and slept until about 11 or so. Or later? We ended up only stopping to feed him TWICE on the whole trip and he only fussed the last 20 or 30 minutes. Here he is in Beaver, about 8 hours into our trip:

We went to Megan's when we got there for dinner and for Dean to meet everyone! He had a lot of cousins to meet. I tell you what, he had no shortage of entertainers during our stay.

Wednesday we drove to Orem for Trevor to work on a homemade gift for Melissa. While he was doing that, I helped Anne and CC make this cookie tree. And ate way too much candy and had a short (less than five minute) attack. Then I had another one that night. Ugh.

Sidenote: I had been having the pains since Dean was about 3 weeks old. The first time it happened, I almost woke Trevor up to take me to the ER. I had no idea what was happening. But it went away finally after about half an hour or so. It happened the next 2 nights as well, and then more sporadically. I thought maybe it had to do with my body rearranging itself back to normal after pregnancy and labor. When it kept happening, I finally went to the doctor the Thursday before we left. She thought it was acid reflex and gave me a prescription for zantac. She did say that the other possibility was gallbladder, but it really sounded more gastrointestinal. I was told to avoid greasy, fatty food. Really easy to do during the holiday season.

Thursday Trevor was supposed to fly to Texas for his interview. Unfortunately, Salt Lake had a snow storm and the airport closed down. The judge couldn't interview another day, so Trevor decided to drive. My dad volunteered to go with him, and my mom had them take her car since it was 4 wheel drive. So off they went. They drove to Grants, NM that night and stayed in a pretty terrible hotel. Then they drove to Amarillo Friday morning (cue George Strait song here) for the interview, and then started driving back. They again stopped in Grants and then drove the rest of the way on Saturday. I spent the time hanging with family and stuffs.

OK, a day by day breakdown is going to be way too long. So for now I'm going to skip to the highlights. We tried to split our time pretty evenly between the Coxes and Ortons. We went to church with Anne our first Sunday and Dean got to wear his super handsome new outfit from Melissa and Jenny Jo. He celebrated by having his first real blow out. Thank goodness for Zote soap! We also had a fun sing along with their neighborhood. Really, who doesn't love singing Christmas carols? And we had a cookie making night at Trevor's cousin's house. Again, a bit rough when you're trying to avoid eating fatty foods. Seriously, I was surrounded by buttery goodness.

Christmas Eve day we drove down to Price to see Pa. We got another 4 generation picture with him. He is doing really well. It was fun to see him. We went to McDonald's for lunch. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and side salad. No fries :( My cousin Amy and Aunt Terri were there too, so it was fun to see them. As the pains I had been having had moved over to the right and gotten longer (like 3 hours!) I was pretty sure it was my gallbladder. Amy had just had her's out and she told me to go in while I was having an attack. Nurse Terri agreed. Duly noted.

Christmas Eve we had our traditional Aebleskivers and little smokies. I love little smokies. I decided to throw caution to the wind and eat them even though they are fatty. And my Christmas miracle was that I didn't have a gallbladder attack either Christmas Eve or Christmas day!! Of course, Papa read The Other Wiseman and we were blessed with a "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" recitation by Mima, Megan and Eric. After Mike and Cara got there, we did our Christmas play. Dean was overstimulated beforehand and was crying pretty hard. We finally got him calmed down for the play, and he was super quiet and good the whole time! He was a great baby Jesus! And then the play was over and he cried again.

We drove to Orem that night so we could be there for opening presents in the morning. We got spoiled! Trevor once told me that his life would be completely perfect if he only had an iPhone. Well, his life is now perfect. We had a yummy dinner and had fun hanging out the rest of the day.

Friday Dec. 27 we had dinner at Megan's. Then we went to put Dean to bed and we went to go see Saving Mr. Banks. I really liked it, but it was much sadder than I was expecting. I had heard to bring tissues, but I expected more of a feel good kind of cry. Nope. Anyway, on the way home, my gallbladder started acting up again. We got back around midnight. I was just awake in pain for much of the night. I think I might have dozed off for a little bit somewhere around 2 am but was awake pretty quick after that. I finally fell asleep at 5, only to be awakened by Dean needing to eat at 6. Overall, I got about 2 hours of sleep tops. The pain faded to a very dull ache, but never totally went away.  Then I had lunch and holy hannah, oh the pain! We decided just to go to the ER. They did some tests and decided to just admit me and do the surgery that day. They found I had a blocked bile duct, so I had to stay in the hospital and have another surgery on Sunday morning. My mom took care of Dean. Thankfully he took a bottle without any problems. I had to stay in the hospital until Monday morning. Only Dean's blessing was scheduled for Sunday night. The show must go on! We just had the blessing in my hospital room. At least it was memorable, right?!

Having surgery was lame, but I'm so glad I had it. It is SUCH a relief not wondering every time I eat if it's going to give me an attack. I no longer go to bed each night wondering if I am going to wake up to excruciating pain. And the pain is gone! The pain was mostly because of the blocked duct, so I was still in some pain (dulled by pain meds) after the first surgery to actually remove my gallbladder. When I woke up on Sunday morning from anesthesia, it was sweet relief! I could instantly tell a difference. Of course I was in pain from the surgery, but that pain is so much better than having the gallbladder pain. And I'm glad I was able to have the surgery in Utah where I had so much help. I was glad that my mom could take Dean so Trevor could stay with me (the first night...he could only take so much of that hospital cot). Everything worked out pretty well. Dean and Mima got to be good friends.

I had to take it easy the next little bit, but we were still able to have a great week in Utah. We went to Art City Trolley, saw Frozen, had a fun New Year's Eve (although I went to bed before midnight. No way I was staying up that late!) and just enjoyed our time with family and friends! It was such a fun vacation!

Anne's visit and Thanksgiving

So I had a post of this typed up a while ago, but it kept having issues, so I decided to scrap it and start over. Only that means you're going to get a very abbreviated version, because I have oodles of blog catch up to do.

Anne came about a week before Thanksgiving. We were so excited to have her come! It was nice to have extra hands around the house again. Especially because we found out that week that there was a 2 bedroom apartment in our complex opening up in the exact location we wanted within the complex. We decided to jump on that opportunity, so she was here to help us pack and move. I don't know how we would have managed without her! Anne got to come to Dean's one month well checkup and cooked us lots of yummy food and we all had a good time.

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving we packed up and headed to the house we were staying at for the week. It's one of Trevor's friend's parent's houses. They don't live there full time, so it was open for us to use. And it's a pretty awesome house. That night, Rob's family drove from Lubbock on their way to Utah. They stopped overnight so we got to visit and eat yummy croissants for breakfast. We were glad they were able to make the stop.

They left Wednesday morning and the rest of the Coxes drove down from Utah that afternoon. The two Cox groups were able to meet up for a few minutes as their paths crossed. While Jon, Katie, Melissa, Jenny Jo & CC joined us, we had lots of fun playing games and chatting. Everyone but me enjoyed the warm hot tub and heated pool. I wasn't 6 weeks postpartum yet so I couldn't go in. Lame sauce. Thanksgiving day we had some pretty yummy food. And then I had a short gallbladder attack (more on that in a different post).

Friday we went to the Desert Botanical Gardens to see the Chihuly exhibit. He's a glass blower and they had his pieces throughout the gardens.

We played more games and did more hot tubbing that night before everyone drove home on Saturday. It was a fun visit! Also, I don't have ANY pics of Melissa, Jenny Jo, CC, Katie, or Jon. How did that happen? I need to be better at picture taking.

Learning to Love Motherhood

So I've been doing a lot of learning the past few week. Here's a little rundown of how it's gone.

Dean, from the time he was born, has been a pretty good sleeper. He never woke up more than twice during the night. I would normally put him down between 9 and 10. He would wake up twice during the night to nurse (say 2 and 5 ish), would fall immediately back to sleep, and would finally really wake up for the day around 8 or 9 am. Awesome. Then, the night before we went to Utah, he slept from 10 to 4:30. 6 1/2 hours! That was his longest stretch yet. And he did it again. He got to the point where multiple times he just woke up between 3:30 and 4:30 and then would sleep again until 8. Even more awesome! Then, about a week ago, he had a few bad days in a row. Now, he would have a bad night on occasion before, but not consistently.

So I decided to break my "I will not read a book" plan. One of Trevor's coworkers had given us some of her old baby stuff, one of which was a book called The Baby Whisperer. So I read it. It follows the same basic routine I was trying to do (eat, awake time, sleep) so I thought I would just follow the routing in there. I decided to be a little more strict with the routine and really try for three hours in between feedings, really learn his tired cues, get him to bed earlier, etc., etc. Only here's what happened.

I became obsessed with the routine. I was trying so hard to decipher whether something was a cue he was sleepy or not and trying to put him down at the exact right moment and allowing him to fall asleep himself. I was agonizing every time I heard a noise about whether I should go in to calm him or if he would go back to sleep on his own. I stressed myself out to the point that even when Dean did sleep at night, I couldn't because I was paranoid about when he was going to wake up. At night time, I think I was trying to push a 7:30 bedtime so hard he wasn't actually tired, so he just fussed and fussed and wouldn't stay asleep and I was stressed and no one was happy.

On Monday, I realized that in the midst of this, I wasn't enjoying Dean. I wasn't really being with him and playing with him. I was analyzing him. Now, I think it is super important to learn his cues so that I can know what he wants and be the best mother to him. I am glad that I read the book because it did give me some great ideas, especially for getting him down at nap time. And I am trying to pay more attention. But I can't let studying my son get in the way of me loving and nurturing my son.

Then he had a horrible night Monday night and I got no sleep and I was so stressed and I called my mom in tears. She assured me that it's normal to just want to cry. She said, "There are some days you don't think you'll be able to take one more step. But somehow you do. There are days you think to yourself, 'I want out of this. But I can't get out of it. I have to do it, but I don't feel like I can,' and that's normal, too. Do what you can. If the dishes sit in the sink for three days, in the end, it will look just as good as if you had cleaned them the first day. Being this exhausted is the hardest thing you'll ever do. But somehow you'll do it. And it will get better."

After I talked to my mom, I took a little "lie down" (I won't say nap because I didn't sleep) and then read some things on lds.org about motherhood. I felt much better, that somehow I really would make it through the day. I need to keep my relationship with God first in my life, that's for sure. Seeking the Spirit was the best comfort.

I had some good moments during the day. And Dean did pretty good. Until evening time when I tried to put him down and he just wouldn't do it and I thought, "I can't do this again tonight." I actually went and laid down for a bit while Trevor watched Dean. In the end, you know what happened? He didn't fall asleep until 9:30, which is when he had been going down before. And he slept until 12:45 and then again until 4:30 and again until 8.

So basically, I've learned that there isn't one right way. I hadn't found being a mom very hard or exhausting until this point. But now I feel it. I got a dose of "motherhood is really hard." And it's true. It is hard. Really hard. So I can't make it harder on myself than it already is. Dishes can slack. Cleaning can slack. Scriptures and prayer CANNOT slack. Enjoy the good moments, because there are a lot of them. Pray for patience to get through the bad ones. This may be the hardest blessing in my life, but it's also the greatest (after Trevor who is the most supportive husband I could imagine).